Productive dialogue is more important now than ever. With social media and social media complementing many of our face-to-face conversations, learning the ABC’s of productive conversations can help you leverage your social media influence.
Good business dialogue cannot be underestimated: it fosters collaboration and creativity and opens up individual and organizational learning and innovation. Dialogue, by definition, is obviously two-way, in the sense that it is a conversation between one person and another, but it is also two-way in the sense that there is an internal dialogue that has to occur for the overall result to be effective.
The human brain does not like ambiguity or conflict. He moves naturally to make a choice: black and white. But often this leads to less effective “single loop” learning. Chris Argyris, in his various double-loop learning models, including the inference ladder and defense/inquiry, encourages an internal challenge (an internal mental dialogue) to encourage us to constantly challenge the unconscious processes that generate the conclusions and shortcuts he makes our normal reasoning.
F. Scott Fitzgerald said, “The test of first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.” and he has a point. It is ‘painful’ for our brains to have different, possibly opposite, ideas about the same event without jumping to a ‘correct’ conclusion. But looking closely at the information on which we have built our ‘house of conclusions’ will help us to be more precise and structured in our thinking and then our dialogues and conversations will be very powerful.
Become a thinking detective
So this requires some detective work. Much of our thinking is based on the conclusions we have drawn (as part of this automatic and unconscious process). Chris Argyris in his ‘Ladder of Inference’ considers it to be so:
We are presented with ‘data’: statistics, a reaction, words, expressions. We select the data to use as part of our thinking: a comment, information, etc. We interpret this data and add meaning to it. We draw conclusions from these interpretations. this helps our brain to put a label on what is happening (and boy, does our brain like labels!), which helps to explain it and propose actions based on it.
This is a ‘pattern’ that we make unconsciously, at the speed of light. But if we can learn how to slow this process down, break it up, and do a little detective work to use the right data, make sure we have all the data we need, and then draw the most useful conclusions, our lives will be so much better!
Here’s what you need to do to be a ‘thinking detective’:
- Put your ‘critical’ head on and retrace your thinking steps.
- What data did you select?
- What called your attention?
- What are you considering unimportant here?
- Too often we focus our attention on what is wrong instead of what is right!
- Then go back to your thoughts: how did you interpret the data you selected?
- What filters did you put on it (ie a negative one?)?
- What assumptions and presuppositions did you make?
Once you’ve fully grasped the idea of the inference ladder and become a good thinking detective, you’ll be ready to take advantage of the two key tools of productive dialogue; the first is a high-quality promotion.
Powerful business conversations through high-quality promotion
Advocacy is about sharing your thinking effectively. This could include revealing how you feel, expressing an opinion, recommending a course of action, or asking someone to do something. Good ‘thinking sleuths’ take advantage of high-quality advocacy so they don’t just offer opinions or requests. But they actually provide the data on which they based their thinking (rather than interpretations of data) and share how they came to their conclusions from the data they used.
The emotional state or “mood” is crucial to this. Think about the last time you assumed you were right about something and in dialogue with someone; maybe you were having a conversation on Twitter or chatting on Facebook. Notice how, in this frame of mind, you feel compelled to make others realize what you ‘already know’. You are trying to influence others to your way of thinking and this feels very much a way. In this type of conversation there is a lack of mutual learning. The goal of having productive conversations is to promote and enforce mutual learning; this is what social networking and social media are brilliant for. But you have to approach it in the right frame of mind.
Here are some tips on how to maintain the right frame of mind for productive conversations:
- View each conversation as an opportunity to learn and promote mutual learning.
- Suppose you can miss things others see and see things others miss
- Stay curious Assume that others are acting in ways that make sense to them
Conversation is all about promoting mutual learning and the best conversations are happening on social media these days. However, there is definitely an art to master.
Once you have mastered your own thought processes and understand your own conclusions and the data on which you have based them. You are ready to share your thought with others.
It’s about helping others see what you see and how you think about it. By giving examples of the data you select (telling stories, sharing anecdotes, using reference experiences), you will clarify your data (remember that ‘data’ can be comments, information, statistics, etc.). Then you need to clearly state the meaning you find in these examples, clarifying and explaining the conclusions you have drawn. As part of this process, you may need to further explain the steps in your thinking.
A truly productive conversation also means that by sharing your thinking, you are also helping to clarify the other person’s thinking. Describe your understanding of the other person’s reasoning by reflecting on what you understand: “The way I understand what you just said is that you look at the data and you see decreasing market share, is that right?”
disagree productively
If, during the course of your conversation, you disagree with the other person, or perhaps you see negative consequences in what you’re trying to do, you can make this clear in the conversation in a way that doesn’t support the other person. If you state or identify what you see to be these consequences, but avoid ascribing the “intent” to create those consequences to the other person, you remain on neutral ground and maintain the space for productive dialogue.
For example: “John, I notice that you haven’t mentioned anything about communicating the plan to the client at this point. I’ve noticed in my own relationships with clients that early communication helps get agreement. If any communication helps smooth out relationship, do you think it will be worth considering?” Distinguish between intention and impact to achieve a more productive result.
And finally, if the conversation becomes more heated and there is more conflict and emotion involved, if you feel you have to reveal your emotions, do so without implying that the other person is responsible for creating your emotional reactions.
Inquiring into how others think
The conversation is two ways. And a productive conversation involves taking responsibility for truly understanding the other person’s thinking through high-quality research.
High-quality inquiry involves seeking out the views of others, investigating how they arrived at them, and most importantly but most difficult for most of us, encouraging them to challenge your perspective. This may require that we help them share, or even understand, their own thinking. This involves listening and questioning and sometimes gently challenging them. If you’re a trainer, you have an advantage here!
Find out how others see the situation by asking them to give examples of the ‘data’ they have used and selected in their thinking and in reaching their conclusions. You will need to help them tell you the steps they have used to arrive at their thought.
The most useful questions here are the ‘what’ and the ‘how’:
- “What information did you use to come to that conclusion?”
- “What are you thinking here?”
- “What do you think about this?”
- “I’m very interested, can you tell me how you came to that conclusion?” Be open to challenge
Stay open to challenge
Be open to being questioned about your own conclusions, stay open and curious, and steer clear of being “right” or “wrong” – recognize that two brains are almost always better than one and that true collaboration will promote mutual learning and growth. “I realize we have differing opinions on this matter, and I’m really interested to find out what I’m missing that you’ve noticed.”
Openly ask for help to figure out what you are missing from what they are seeing. Encourage the other person to identify any gaps or errors in her thinking. Maintaining a state of high curiosity will keep your mind open and the dialogue productive even when you are convinced that you are ‘right’ and they are ‘wrong’.
Ask about non-verbal language or emotion the other person may be displaying, but do so without confrontation. “I noticed that you frowned when you looked at that data; are you confused?”
And a great tip is to ask for help to explore if you are unknowingly contributing to the problem. This will require you to leave behind your ego and arrogance! “I have a feeling that something I’m doing may be blocking the progress of this conversation, is that something you’ve noticed as well?”