“Desperate University” is a university at the foot of a canyon on the Great Plains between Interstates 85 and 212 in South Dakota. The school includes undergraduate and graduate degrees for poor students with very little money. Founded in 1901 by an archaeologist who got lost in the desert, apparently looking for ancient Spanish ruins. According to legend, only some of the native Sioux tribe heard the voice of the archaeologist who had run out of food and water. As he was dying, he repeatedly shouted “Help me! I’m desperate!”
The Sioux could only understand the word “desperate” or “desperado” because they had learned some basic Spanish from their ancestors who fell to the Spanish conquistadors. Over the years, Native Americans have spoken of “Mr. Desperate.” Unfortunately, the man died when the tribe traced his voice. The tribe searched the man’s clothing and discovered that the archaeologist was carrying more than $5,000 in cash.
For the next several decades, Desperate money was used to improve the lives of local Native Americans. Most of the money had been used for schools, including a small college where local Native Americans could attend at affordable tuition rates. By 2005, financially strapped American high school graduates from across the country signed up for “Desperate” because of its low tuition. Desperate University had gone to great lengths to acquire more money to keep the school open.
However, all this changed when a doctoral student in microscopic geology named Steve Gem received a basic metal detector from his parents for his birthday. When Steve received the detector, he went out into the desert and began waving his new detector across acres of sand, looking for meteorites. The desert was filled with many rocks that stood in his way. So, he tried to prevent his machine from passing over them, he accidentally deflected the detector on a small rock, his ears picked up a huge “BEEEPPP” sound.
He lifted the rock and saw a larger outcrop that appeared to be a dirty grayish-yellow color. He pulled her out of the ground with all her strength and the boulder reluctantly came out of the sand. It looked twisted and misshapen. Steve tried to pick it up, but it was extremely heavy; he guessed his weight to be approximately 20+ pounds. Steve spat on parts of the rock and noted that it was pale yellow in color. Then he realized that the “rock” could be a giant gold nugget!
Steve was so excited that he picked him up and walked back to his truck, which was several hundred yards away. Fifteen minutes later, he was so exhausted that he used the last of his strength to lift him onto the bed of the truck and place some duffel bags on top of him so no one would see.
That night, Steve clandestinely dumped the “rock” with the bags around it and snuck into the Geology Department lab. He rinsed it out completely in a sink, which revealed a deep gold color. He then took a metal cutter to remove flake samples from the rock. He then put them under a microscope and examined them. After an hour, he concluded that the rock mass was in fact a gold nugget and not “Fool’s Gold”, also known as “Pyrite”.
As Steve’s heart raced with joy, he slipped the nugget into his backpack and hid it in his bedroom under his bed until the day Steve defended his dissertation. After years of studying Geology in college and graduate school at Desperate University, this was his day to defend his dissertation on the desert breakthrough in which he had mapped the area where he had found the 25-pound gold nugget. and also discovered more gold.
A week later, he walked into the committee room and saw his professors from the Geology department. She tensed with his lecture in hand that he was trying not to trigger. She brought her backpack containing the gold nugget and announced her find to him. The head of the Geology department, Dr. “Rocky” A. Stalagmite, and other professors in the department widened their eyes enthusiastically when Steve pulled out the nugget. When Steve explained his work, it was reflected in his lecture in which he mapped the desert area where he found the most gold. He exclaimed that his research would benefit many people, including himself, of course he would pay millions of dollars for the knowledge of that dissertation.
Then he looked at the greedy faces of his committee, looking at Steve with wide eyes. Dr. Stalagmite asked him, “Have you talked to anyone about your findings?”
Steve replied, “Well, I’ve been talking to a lot of companies that would pay handsomely for gold in the desert.”
“Well, I think we’re ready to discuss Steve’s dissertation. Steve, why don’t you come out and we’ll get back to you after we finish discussing this?”
After a few minutes, Steve heard sounds of scuffling and screaming from the committee room. Inside, all the teachers were trying to grab the map and everyone was yelling, “Give it to me!” “It’s mine!” After thirty minutes, the room suddenly opened up with teachers pushing each other. Dr. Pebble, a tiny woman had the dissertation map. She then fell down, but got up and ran to the elevator with all the professors from the Geology department still chasing after her.
When he got to the elevator, it was already open. She ran inside and hit the close button. He ran his fingers over the buttons and hit “Floor 1.” When she got there, all the committee members had gone upstairs and were waiting for her.
The entire production was a disaster, but Steve’s dissertation could be said to have been “defended” very well. After a few days, the president of the university asked Steve to come to his office. He told Steve that if he wanted to get his doctorate, he would be forced to “donate” the map to the school, plus half the value of the gold nugget to Steve. Steve figured that with an ounce of gold worth $1,700, the price of a 25-pound nugget was $6,120,000. Steve thought that was a fair deal.
Therefore, it can be said that “Desperate University” was no longer “desperate” for money, but would instead be called “Gem University” after Steve Gem’s map made the school rich.