Recognizing, for the first time, that your longtime lover has a narcissistic personality can be a devastating discovery. For many, the shock never goes away and persists long after the narcissist has done the usual Devalue and discard and disappear to find other sources of supply. Often years, it takes years before the “good” partner finally begins to dig into the research necessary to validate and label the other partner’s questionable behaviors. With so much time invested in a relationship, it’s hard to accept that the love you thought you shared with someone was, in fact, a sham, but the truth is, with a narcissistic partner, a sham is all it can be.

Someone with a narcissistic personality is very adept at getting exactly what they want from a relationship, even if they have to bleed the other person. Sex, lies, and passive-aggressive manipulation are the three most powerful strategies in the narcissist’s arsenal of emotional weapons and he will use each of them to show just how skilled a shooter he really is. Having a narcissistic personality disorder means having to constantly search and search for new and better means of supply to fulfill your relationship agenda. Since a narcissist is incapable of feeling remorse, guilt, or any form of empathy, the fact that the main source of supply (i.e., the loving partner) often has to be destroyed and resurrected over and over again doesn’t matter. The more the “good” couple suffers, the more alive the disorderly couple feels, and it goes round and round.

The main point to remember about a couple with this disorder is that they can never be fixed, and they don’t mind being fixed either. Narcissists like them just the way they are. They will walk away from their families and loved ones when least expected and act as if these loyal people never existed. Often times, a narcissist will disappear for weeks and even months or more, only to reappear as if nothing happened. In essence, they manage to lower the expectations of the victim to the point that the narcissist can come and go as they please without repercussions. It is nothing less than severe emotional manipulation and abuse without other terms.

Narcissism, unfortunately, has become an epidemic in today’s social media lifestyles. These predators enjoy searching for online dating where they can wear the mask a bit more and catch the most vulnerable. Learning to recognize the signs and behaviors of the narcissistic personality can prevent abuse from starting or give you the confidence to exit the game permanently and permanently.

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