My Third Interview with José Caliente by John T. Jones, Ph.D.
Jose Caliente and I met again at the Mexican Restaurant as always. I told him: “José, I think that despair, confusion and moronitis they have sunk the effectiveness of the Congress of the United States of America. The Great Seal of the United States of America creaks every time a congressman or woman steps on it.”
José said: “There is no such word as moronitis.”
I said, “There’s jaundice, hepatitis, and now moronitis.”
He said: “I know what it means, but there is no such word. You can’t catch stupidity.”
I said, “That’s another thing they have in Congress, stupidity.“
José said, “If you were culturally informed, you wouldn’t use those words, let alone make them up.”
I said, “Joseph, I added your new word and my new word to my computer’s spell checking dictionary. What I did, I did. I’m not very good at being socially correct. A lot of the old words that were straightforward and not confusing have been almost eliminated by the socially disabled.”
José said, “Why don’t we go to the restaurant? Maybe you’ll calm down.”
I said, “That’s what Congress should do, COOL DOWN!”
He said: “Let’s eat!”
After José finished a few beers and his tamales, I asked him, “How was your new job cleaning the Oval Office?”
“I lost it!”
I was devastated!
My dreams were gone of President Bush accidentally dropping a secret note on the floor or leaving a CIA report on his desk for Jose to pick up and give it to me so I could tell the American people WHAT’S HAPPENING! !
José said: “There was a note left on the president’s desk the last night before Mohammad Hussein hit me.”
I said, “Did a Muslim push you? Does a Muslim work in the White House?”
Jose said, “Sure! He was hired the day before me and he wanted my job, so he replaced me. Now I clean Vice President Cheney’s office. Same shift.”
I said, “Wasn’t the president worried about this?”
“About?”
“About a Muslim cleaning his office?”
José said, “What could I say? The press secretary said that was fine with him.”
I gave up. I said, “What about the note?”
José handed me the note and this is what it said:
“Daddy, stop taking yourself so seriously!
“Stop sleeping in that commander-in-chief jacket the military gave you! It gives mom the creeps!”
“Stop playing say hello to the boss over and over again through your Samsung® PO0105 headset when you’re on the treadmill.
“You have to loosen up, dad, or you’ll go crazy.”
I told Jose, “I’m glad the president has at least some family support! What about Congress, Jose? Those fools are abusing the government! Don’t they have an obligation to do what’s right for the country?” ? “
Jose said, “You expect too much from Congress. There’s no humility there, so there can be no compromise. You just got hit with that Rx drug plan. You know they’re not only incompetent but they hate you.”
I said, “You found my website and you’ve been reading my articles, haven’t you?”
Jose said, “I thought you might be interested in the discarded memo I found in Cheney’s office last night. It was next to the shredder. Take the check and I’ll get it out of my shoe.”
I said, “Now, we’re getting somewhere!”
On the street, José gave me the memorandum. He said, “Don’t read it now, IDIOT! Wait until you’re in your car.”
I was ecstatic again!
A discarded memo found in Cheney’s office!
It could be about the war.
It could be the failure of the president’s Social Security plan.
It could be the torture chamber in the basement of the White House that the president does not know about. Could be–
I jumped in my car and read the note. This is what she said:
It is understood!
The end
copyright©John T. Jones, Ph.D. 2005