Indian film making is based on a deep assumption about a deep fact. The profound fact is that more than half of the Indian population is illiterate and lives below the poverty line. The underlying assumption is that the illiterate and poor Indian masses want to escape the harsh realities and bask momentarily in a fantasy world of cinema. So Indian movies are basically made to ‘entertain’ you. Serious movies aren’t supposed to be entertaining. The ‘entertainment formula’ practiced for decades will gradually become clearer as you read on.
Based on the above assumption, the following guidelines have been put together to help you enjoy an Indian movie.
o The most important factor is your time, you must have enough. Movies are usually about three hours long or even longer. If you prefer to watch them on movie channels, it can take up to five hours with all the mandatory breaks in between. If you take a DVD/VCD home with you, the frequent ‘resending’ you have to do to get rid of intrusive junk eventually tires you out. So it is more advisable to venture out to the theaters.
o You must have an insatiable appetite for musical celebrations. Songs and dances lurk in the most unexpected, most dramatic or most mundane moments of the film and almost always catch you off guard. These ‘elements’ make up more than a third of the film’s length. If you’re not quite a musical guy, you give yourself a break and go to the bathroom. But the moot point is how often. Music orientation is the best way to get in.
o Must have strong family ties or more preferably joint family ties and a strong sense of feelings. Otherwise, you’re likely to go overboard with the father-son, mother-son, brother-sister, brother-brother, or father-daughter conflicts fueled by the movie.
o He must also possess the spirit of an avenging angel. The relentless and unwarranted violence against good must infuriate you so much that when the avenging hero finally lands in the elimination round you go crazy with gratification.
o You must laugh heartily at the crudest and crudest humor that consists primarily of body twists, grimaces or distorted faces, noisy dialogue with double meanings, or some true blue humor.
o If you have excess gray cells, you should leave most of them at home before going to the operating room. If you also have a logical mind, do everything necessary to make him totally abandon you during the designated hours.
o You can take your family most of the time. Hot procedures, if any, will end just before the inevitable. It is healthy entertainment for the whole family. Enjoy!
These guidelines do not apply to serious, unusual or different films; some of which were also made in the old days and more of which are being made now for the growing urban moviegoers who frequent multiplexes.