Finally, in this series of articles, we need to look at the restrictions and limits we place on ourselves. There are many writings on the subject of getting in our own way. I especially like Tim Gallwey’s idea that we have two selves: one who will go ahead and do what he knows how, and the other who overthinks it and hinders performance.
Whatever the theories behind it, I’m sure you can relate to the idea that sometimes the only thing holding you back from success is yourself. In this article, I’ll take a look at some of the ways we do it and give you some tips to work with, either alone or with the help of your trainer.
I can not do it
Perhaps at the moment you really cannot do what you would like. It may be that there are physical reasons currently preventing you, for example a broken leg that hinders your ability to run. If the physical problem is short-lived, revisit the stage once your body is better. Sometimes though our body lets us down more permanently. If you’re 4’11”, playing as a forward in international rugby will be difficult. In situations like this, unless technology offers an imminent solution, reconsider what you want out of life.
It may also be that you just can’t do it yet. What skills, knowledge, or attitudes do you need to acquire to be successful? Once you know this, then it’s simply a case of getting them. This of course implies that what you need can be added in some way. If you can’t, then you probably go back to the previous paragraph or to the next point below.
i don’t think i can do it
This is a subtly different thought from the first point. Whereas before you couldn’t do it, now you just don’t think you can. What evidence do you have to suggest that this is true? Many people tried something once as a child, failed, and never did it again. Despite many intervening years of skill-building, learning, and world experience, they still have the misconception that they can’t do it. Maybe now is the time to try again. Even people we consider successful have that mindset: John McEnroe was defeated in straight sets in the mixed doubles at Wimbledon in 1979. Consequently, he didn’t play mixed doubles again for 20 years.
To other people, they have been celebrated as special and capable of doing something very well. Then they had a bad day and failed. Scared of proving to themselves and others that they weren’t ‘special’ anymore, they have backed off to try again. This is starting to smack of a fixed mindset to me, more of which later. Yes, there is a possibility that when we try something we are not sure about we will fail. However, mistakes and failures can be seen as teaching points, milestones on the road to improvement.
So if you know you can’t, find out what you need to change in order to do it. If you think you can’t, prove it one way or another; either you can (so celebrate) or you really can’t (so figure out what you need to change in order to do it).
I can not be bothered
Some people are lazy. Do not be one of them. For many others, they weighed the benefits of success and the work required to achieve it and decided that there is an imbalance on the side of hard work.
This could be due to misconceptions about what is required in relation to the (real or perceived) abilities of individuals. In this case, it brings us back to the points above: is it really going to be hard work or is it just your perception? And if it’s definitely going to be hard work, how much easier would it be if you picked up some new skills first?
The other issue at play here could be a misrepresentation of how good success will be in this case. Perhaps that is related to our thinking about how successful we will be, but it could simply be that we have never researched the benefits properly. Check your goal and what it does for you. What will you feel when you have it? Count the rewards you will reap. Get passionate about your achievement and see how that affects your lethargy.
I do not deserve it
Whatever the goal or the prize, if you think you don’t deserve it, you won’t work for it, you won’t be able to earn the reward, thus cementing your opinion that you are not worth it. Find a coach to help you see the error of your ways. However, it may be that you are mistaking a goal for a gift. If the prize is worth anything, it won’t just fall into your lap. The effort must have been made in some way; Things like time spent networking, hard-earned money, and training hours in the early years can be forgotten, and people forget that they’ve put in the miles that deserve reward in the end.
everything could go wrong
Yes. Everything could go wrong. But it could all turn out spectacularly well. How will you know until you try? Trying is risking failure and all that. But if you risk nothing, you may never win anything of value. Once again, we come back to mindset issues, thinking that failure is a bad thing.
What is your mentality?
Part of what was mentioned above ultimately boils down to one question: are you in a fixed mindset or a growth mindset?
People with a fixed mindset believe that their intelligences and abilities are fixed and unchanging. They can’t really develop and grow. Consequently, the additional effort is fruitless since it will not bring any benefit. Worse still, it could show that they are not as good as they want to think or have been told they are. Challenges are avoided; they can lead to failure or criticism. On top of this, people with a fixed mindset will feel threatened by the success of others. Ultimately, these people will not reach their full potential.
People with a growth mindset, on the other hand, believe that they can grow and develop their intelligence. They have a desire to learn that leads them to accept the challenge and see failure as a mere step towards where they want to go. When setbacks arise, they work to overcome them, learning from how and going the extra mile to reach a level of mastery. They will look to other people who have also been successful, to learn from them. Consequently, they reach higher and higher levels of achievement and have a greater feeling of free will: they feel that they can do anything they set their minds to.
If you are a fixed mindset person, you probably want to change to get out of your own way. No, believe me you can do it. It’s not an overnight process, but Carol Dweck, the original author of these ideas, suggests that you should:
- Learn to listen to your fixed mindset voice telling you that you can’t do it, that you may not have the talent, that people will laugh at you if you fail.
- Recognize that you can choose how you view the world and yourself. Is this a development opportunity to help him learn and grow or an opportunity to show that he can’t do it?
- Speak with a growth-mindset voice, accepting that you may not succeed right away, but there are things to be gained in the long run by trying.
- Finally take action, review the results, absorb all the learning from the experience and move on to the next challenge.
So get out of your own way so you can move on. And do it today.