There’s an old saying that goes, “If you keep doing what you’ve done, you’re going to keep getting what you’ve got…” If what you’ve been doing hasn’t worked in the past, chances are, do it more, more. Hard or longer is also not going to work.
For many women who have difficulty reaching orgasm, their first success comes with a vibrator. And, once they learn the trick, they eventually learn to achieve an orgasm without mechanical assistance and, if all goes well, eventually with their lover. There are women who never get past needing a vibrator, and some women who were once able to cum without them may even become dependent on them…
I would like to address the issue of women who are completely anorgasmic, that is, even with the help of a vibrator, they have not yet experienced their first orgasm… and I am going to tell you how you can give them their first orgasm.
Now, the simple fact is that there are a million reasons why a woman can’t orgasm, and I can’t know for sure what happens with any particular woman… But basically it’s a good bet that if she can’t cumming using a vibrator, then the problem is NOT physical. In other words, if a vibrator can’t do it, then there is no position, no device, no amount of resistance, and no special G-spot technique that is going to work to bring her to orgasm.
So if it’s not a physical problem, what does that leave?
Hmm…
If you said “emotional,” then you can go to the head of the class (and soon you’ll be able to give your woman an orgasm if you’re willing to learn a few things and be patient). And, YES, these emotional Female orgasm techniques work like crazy.
The first thing you have to do (and her friends too, women talk about this kind of stuff all the time) is stop pushing the poor girl. Feeling pressure to have an orgasm is, for women, more or less the same as putting pressure on a man when he’s having trouble achieving it. Imagine you’ve been stressed at work and it takes you a while to get going, and your wife or girlfriend pulls out a stopwatch and says, “Come on! I don’t have all night! Get ready!” That’s pretty much what’s happening to your wife right now if her inability to have an orgasm is a problem in her relationship.
So the first thing you’ll need to do is tell him that, at least for a while, you’ll both stop trying to get him to cum and focus on enjoying the pleasure he’s already getting from sex. . (After all, sex feels great even when you don’t have an orgasm.) This will be the first step towards building the “Sexual Confidence” that will be necessary for her to be emotionally capable of coming.
Next, you’ll need to start making her feel good about her sexuality. (Like, the opposite of inadequate, which is what the “pressure” is making her feel right now.)
Eventually, she will give herself to you sexually, and that will allow you to “give her permission” to experience an orgasm…something that, for one reason or another, some women just can’t do on their own.
Okay, let’s dig into the serious stuff…
Orgasms don’t come from stimulating the vagina in the right way, they come from the brain (and when it’s really good, you could say they come from the heart). Building a connection with her, making her feel safe to experience these feelings, and turning her on more by creating male energy is what will ultimately give her orgasms from sex.
Teasing is a great way to build sexual tension that I think you should experiment with. It is a powerful female orgasm technique that is too often neglected just out of impatience.
For example…if you touch her slowly and circle her nipples or clit, but don’t actually touch those super sensitive areas…until she literally begs you to go further…while driving her crazy. joking like this, 2 things are happening:
THE OBVIOUS: She gets hot and aroused from the mounting sexual tension
THE SHIFTMAN: Because you are taking control of how and when she derives sexual pleasure, you are assuming the male role of DIRECT the interaction and control her body.
As you try less and less and become more in control of the sexual interaction, and more in control of HER sexual feelings and responses, she will become much more deeply sexually aroused than she may have been in the past.
And, more importantly, she will feel more Sexual Confidence towards you, which will eventually make her SURVIVE to you… this will ultimately make it possible for you to orgasm at will.
This does not happen quickly. it is a process
The first step is to do the things that make her feel your masculine power.
As I mentioned earlier, TEASING is a great way to start this process.
Biting her on the back of the neck (you don’t have to do it hard enough to leave a mark!) is another powerful turn-on for women because it’s a primal, instinctive signal of your dominance.
Before you even get into bed, picking her up and tossing her over your shoulder and spinning her around until she cracks up is the kind of masculinity display that will make her that much more receptive to you in the bedroom.
And when you’re in bed, the safe, strong yet gentle way you put your hands on his body can communicate a world of masculine sexual confidence. And that’s better than all the sex advice I can give you.
Earn her sexual confidence
So is it about eye contact and creating intimacy…or is it about being masculine and dominant?
Actually, they are two sides of the same coin.
For many pre-orgasmic women, the problem is simply that they can’t let it go…they can’t give themselves permission to come. They are often unaware of this fact, but to other women…she knows that she is about to cum…and she can tell that there is a great deal of pleasure right on the other side of where she is… SHE IS AFRAID OF FRIGHT.
It’s like that feeling you get when you get to the top of the roller coaster and it’s about to go down that first steep drop…
It’s scary, but you have no choice by then, you go overboard…
And when you do, you SCREAM… and you have a
GOOD TIME.
OBJECTIVE…
Imagine if there was a button on roller coasters that people could press, just as they reached the top of the first hill, that would allow them to stop the ride so they could get off.
Now everyone who got on that roller coaster got on it because they expected to have a lot of fun… But I’m willing to bet if there was a button like that… A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD PRESS IT AND GET OUT OF THE RIDE.
That’s EXACTLY what happens to many women who haven’t had their first orgasm. So what can you do about it? You need to gain his SEXUAL TRUST so that he can fully SURRENDER himself to you. Once he does that, instead of giving himself permission to come, he’ll hand that permission over to YOU…allow YOU to make the decision to let you go.
Sexual trust, as I define it, is not the same thing as trust in a relationship or the kind of trust issues you talk about when it comes to marital issues. It’s not about honesty or knowing you won’t cheat or hurt her. It’s about her trusting your ability to get her safely to a place where she’ll lose control and get her back safely without her experiencing any weirdness or embarrassment.
Sometimes I use the analogy of an airline pilot.
Would you rather have a pilot who is honest and of the highest integrity… who you could leave alone in a room with a bag full of money and know that he would never give in to temptation?
Or would you rather get on the plane with a guy who may be a bit of a jerk, but has flown thousands of hours in the worst weather conditions and landed planes at the most technically challenging airports during hurricanes without ever having a safety incident?
Who would you trust to drive you home on your next vacation?
Sexual confidence works the same way.
And winning requires competence, trust and determination…as well as tenderness, intimacy and communication.