Long before “Dancing with the Stars” became a hit, I dreamed of effortlessly waltzing across a room with a stylish partner. For years she endlessly tried to cajole the bride and groom with the tango, the foxtrot and the waltz, all to no avail. Flowing skirts purchased to show off “spinning twists” practiced privately at weddings and other social events went virtually unnoticed. Fast forward 18 years. My husband good sport and I can be seen walking in our favorite social dance spots. We’re not Fred and Ginger (or Karina and Maks) yet, but at least we can move around the dance floor to the surprise of our friends (and our teenage daughter’s horror).
Although it may seem easy, dancing as a couple is not easy. It takes a lot of lessons and a lot of practice to look suave and not argue about who’s in charge on the dance floor. Like all great relationships, dancing takes time and patience. You must be friendly, tactful, have a sense of humor, and be willing to relinquish control. Interestingly, in the world of dance, the man always leads, but the woman’s first step is always on the right foot. (That’s what I call art imitating life!)
My husband, who is usually open to new things, is not enthusiastic about my hobby. When I first pitched my idea of going dancing as a “fun and athletic couples activity” to him, he reluctantly agreed, since he’s a soccer player. I didn’t know that this new spell of athletic activity would turn into fancy and elegant dates! Our Friday night lessons are preceded by preparation days. The babysitters line up and dinner reservations are made. I hit the stores looking for the perfect skirt that will flow gracefully as we “feather steps,” “sparkles,” and “double chases” across the floor. I practice sneaking in store aisles to ambient music. When date night rolls around, I excitedly pull out the hot rollers, makeup, stockings, and flared skirt. Dressed up beyond recognition, I greet my husband at the door and give him a big kiss. “And your name is?” he asks.
Boris, our dance teacher, says: “You have to look good, you have to smell good” when you dance. And disputes are not allowed. A strict Ukrainian professional, he threatens to fire couples who argue under his supervision. His first piece of advice from him about looking good is not lost on me! Dressing the part really does make you a better dancer, I tell my husband. I become Grace Kelly or Chita Rivera, depending on the lesson. After all these years of being together, I find this quite exciting. So on Latin dance night, I resurrect an old flapper dress, complete with red fringe and polish my official Argentine tango high heels. I’m wearing false eyelashes and a hairpiece, accented with the perfect faux flower. On the conservative streets of Boston, outfits like these can elicit jeering stars and even laughs. But nobody beats a false eyelash in the studio, because dressing the part is de rigueur in the exciting world of ballroom dancing: it’s like being in a Baz Luhrmann production.
On the night of the waltz, I ask my husband to dress as Jean DuJardin in the opening scene of “The Artist.” He doesn’t say. But I’ll dress according to the theme of the lesson: a flowing chiffon skirt is topped by a demure lace blouse. And you have to wear the right shoes. On my feet are two inch “standard, closed” pumps for “soft” dancing. My husband will be sporting a jacket and tie, gelling his hair, and gargling. (The advice we get about smelling good is not lost on me. Who wants “face to face” with someone who just ate shrimp scampi?) She’ll be wearing cologne, which makes me swoon as we “glow” and glide through a swept. , orchestral, “Moon River”. My face hurts from smiling so much. I tell her, “Going out dancing is like going to a costume party. It’s more fun than Halloween!”
My husband does not share my enthusiasm. He would prefer to vacuum the house, I’m sure. But we both agree that spending time together is essential to staying together, whether it’s dancing or doing something else. Like ships passing at night, couples are increasingly beset by the demands of work, family obligations, children, and endless distractions. (After all, you can’t check your iPhone while locked in the right dance frame!) What could be more sensual and romantic than dancing hand in hand, gazing into each other’s eyes and swaying to beautiful music? Our dance sessions set the stage wonderfully for the second part of our Friday night dates (and for the rest of the weekend). During dinner, we talk about class and whether the music in the restaurant is a Rumba or a Cha-Cha-Cha. We marvel at how much we’re improving and whose wedding we can sneak in to practice. Any opportunity to dance is a golden opportunity that pays dividends. It’s aerobic, social and fun for music lovers. It’s a great escape for couples of all ages. Most importantly, the benefits of the ballroom relationship outweigh any bonding activity or exercise we’ve ever done. So even if your husband doesn’t wear a tuxedo and tails like Monsieur DuJardin, if he’s going to dance with you, he’s a great partner. Your relationship will thrive.