In a world on the verge of exploding due to overpopulation, it is ironic that thousands of people suffer from loneliness. Relationships matter a lot. We thrive on our connection to family, friends, and community. Life is to be lived with others. Man is a social animal, and to stay healthy, we need the acceptance, love and support of others.
Loneliness is a subjective experience. It does not have limits. Whether young or old, rich or poor, single or married, educated or uneducated, anyone can suffer from loneliness. There is a lack of community and therefore a feeling of isolation even when surrounded by a crowd. It is being trapped within walls that separate and alienate a person from those around them. Jeffrey Young described three types of loneliness.
– Transient: Everyone experiences brief periods of loneliness or loneliness. Something so incredible and exciting has happened that the need to savor this moment alone becomes important. Or in a fit of anger, one needs to calm down and regain self-control.
– Situational: Situations such as grief, job loss, a fight with a spouse or friends, or a trip that brings separation from the family, can cause periods of loneliness. This however, is temporary.
– Chronic loneliness is a sign of depression. A person withdraws into himself, becomes moody and uncommunicative. He feels that no one wants or needs him, and that life is not worth living. Warren Wiersbe calls it the “malnutrition of the soul.”
– You have to distinguish loneliness from loneliness. It is simply physical isolation for a purpose. Creative people seek solitude so they can focus on their work without being disturbed. Writers like JD Salinger and poets like Emily Dickenson preferred to be loners.
Many also seek solitude for prayer and meditation.
Causes of loneliness:
Social:
1. There is no time for meaningful relationships. Frequent job changes make it impossible to put down roots. Some people take a long time to make friends, and when they do, they’re ready to move on.
2. Competitiveness. You focus on yourself and are too busy succeeding in life.
3. Fame and prestigious positions can be isolating. Someone said, “Success can be as cold and lonely as the North Pole.”
4. Fear of physical contact with strangers: People who live alone, especially the elderly or women who live in areas where there are no immediate neighbors.
5. Impersonal and hostile societies that are usually seen in big cities.
6. Disappearance of extended families. Wives are deprived of security and companionship.
7. Emotional isolation of spouses who feel trapped in lonely and isolating marriages.
8. Empty nest syndrome. Women feel that they have lost their important role of motherhood.
9. Homelessness.
10. Lack of communication skills.
11. Physical disabilities or the feeling of being too fat, too thin or too ugly.
12. Financial limitations.
13. Illness and fear of imminent death.
Psychological:
• The lack of friends during childhood and adolescence can be a predisposing factor for loneliness.
• Childhood rejection or hurt. They don’t feel loved and because of these harmful experiences, they are afraid of being hurt again.
• Lack of self-confidence and self-esteem. They are incapable of loving themselves and are full of self-pity.
• Burden of guilt. Isolation prevents them from repeating mistakes.
• Psychological problems such as depression, mental illness or phobia of physical contact.
• Some socially disruptive event in life such as a broken marriage. Life after breakups can feel like death. “Falling in love is terribly simple, but falling out of love is just horrible,” says Bess Myerson.
• The loss of a spouse or child can result in chronic grief and estrangement from family and friends.
Spiritual:
– Inability to love God or love oneself or one’s neighbor.
– Anger can make a person lonely and strange to himself. “Bitterness is a poisonous pill that we swallow so that the other person dies.”
Effects of loneliness:
1. Several medical studies have shown a 3-fold increase in heart disease in those who isolate themselves. The American Framingham Heart Study (2005) has shown that lonely men have elevated levels of interleukin 6 (IL 6), a chemical linked to heart disease.
Other studies show a drop in HDL (good cholesterol) and an increase in bad LDH cholesterol, increased blood pressure and blood sugar. Loneliness depresses the immune system. Infections become serious. Viral infections such as herpes (genital and oral) are difficult to cure.
The extremities become cold due to the narrowing of the peripheral blood vessels. (vasoconstriction)
Can you die of loneliness? Studies say it could lead to premature death. Lonely people are said to live shorter lives.
2. The tendency to become addicted to drugs, alcohol, tobacco or other substances is high.
3. Loners can be angry, cynical, or hostile. So people keep them at arm’s length.
4. Loners hurt themselves not only physically, but also emotionally and spiritually.
How to cure loneliness:
• Analyze the reasons for your loneliness. Is it possible to eliminate or overcome them? Do you need help to change?
• Work on making friends. Human beings are social animals. We depend on each other for mental stability. No man is an island. “What do we live for if not to make life less difficult for ourselves?” says George Eliot.
Dr. William Glasser opined that “At all times in our lives, we must have at least one person who cares about us and whom we can take care of ourselves. If we do not have this essential person, we will not be able to meet our basic needs.
• Develop self-esteem and recover your self-esteem.
• Expand your social circle. It’s important to have a network of friends with whom you can talk, laugh, discuss issues, and learn how they approach problems. “If a man doesn’t make new friends as he goes through life, he’ll soon be lonely,” says Samuel Johnson.
Cultivate group activities. Go to the movies, watch a play, or attend a cricket match.
Use your personal skills to interact and communicate with others.
• Outdoor exercises like walking, jogging, running, cycling, swimming will dispel loneliness.
• Fart. Animal-assisted therapy has been successful in many cases. Studies show that this prevents blood pressure from rising and lowers cholesterol and triglyceride levels.
• Cultivate interesting hobbies that distract you. Music, painting, writing or gardening are good hobbies.
• Short-term therapy with a professional counselor may be required to reverse negative feelings, develop a positive attitude toward life, improve communication skills, and build friendships. It may take two or three months.
• Get involved in social activities. Get in touch with another person who is lonely.
“Try to care about something in this vast world besides the gratification of small selfish desires. Look at other lives besides your own. See what their problems are and how they are borne,” says George Eliot.
• Spend time with family members.
• Travel.
• Religion: Get closer to God. He can bring inner healing.
• Nursing Home relationships have been shown to be beneficial for lonely seniors.
Loneliness is debilitating but curable. Blessed are those who have the gift of making friends.
One must learn to say with Robert Burns: “I want someone to laugh with me, someone to grieve with me, someone to please me and help my discrimination with their own comment, and sometimes, no doubt, admire my wit.”